The Paleo Chronicles – There’s Cauliflower in My Pizza Crust

I was so pumped when my husband said he wanted to make pizza this past weekend. “Finally a non-paleo meal,” I thought. This was going to be so good!

And then he showed me the recipe. Cauliflower in the crust? Oh the things these paleo people will come up with.

I consider myself something of a pizza connoisseur. I love it in all its forms. Thick, doughy crusts are just as wonderful as crisp, thin ones. It can be smothered in a rich tomato sauce or covered in pesto. One cheese or three, it doesn’t matter. And then there are the toppings. Such variety!

We’d just become masters of our own homemade pizza dough when we decided to try paleo. I was considering shopping for a pizza stone in order to bake my crust to crisp perfection. So you can imagine my trepidation at the concept of paleo pizza.

If there is one thing I’ve noticed about many paleo recipes it’s that they tend to be lax in their instructions. They assume you know how to cook like a caveman even before you’ve speared your meat. I looked at the giant head of cauliflower on my counter and wondered how I was supposed to turn it into cauliflower “rice.” Apparently that involves chopping the florets into little pieces and then pulverizing them in a food processer before steaming them to a mushy consistency. I learned that later.

Our goopy combination of almond flour, eggs and cauliflower went into the oven. 25 minutes later it came out with a somewhat crust-like consistency. We slapped some sauce, ham and pineapple on top. We even broke a strict paleo rule and put cheese on it. If this was going to look and taste anything like a pizza it was going to have cheese.

The finished result was more pizza casserole than traditional pie. The taste? Well, as my mother-in-law would say, “wasn’t half bad.” The crust was a little too soft and had a slight hint of veggie.  I suppose if I were a cauliflower-hating kid I might be fooled.

We’re going to have to perfect our cauliflower crust technique.  Paleo pizza is kind of like tofurkey.  No matter how the basic elements are manipulated to fake the real thing, it just isn’t the same.


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